The Cultural Story of Baby Sleep of Bedsharing

Few topics spark as much emotion, confusion, and judgment among parents as the question of sleep. Where should my baby sleep? How do I help them sleep through the night? From the moment our little ones arrive, the pressure begins. We hear about “good sleepers,” “bad sleepers,” and training babies to sleep independently — as if how our baby sleeps is a reflection of how well we’re doing as parents.

But the truth is, our beliefs and decisions about children’s sleep say less about our parenting ability and more about the culture we live in. As an anthropologist and sleep researcher, Dr. James McKenna has spent decades studying infant sleep around the world. His findings — and what I’ve seen as a pediatric sleep coach — reveal that how we sleep isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s shaped by centuries of tradition, biology, and survival.

How Families Slept for Most of Human History

For thousands of years, parents slept close to their babies — for warmth, protection, and connection. It made sense: a baby’s survival depended on proximity. The setup varied from culture to culture — some families shared a mat or rug, others kept their baby in a basket or hammock within arm’s reach, and some created a “sidecar” arrangement beside the bed. But everywhere, parents and babies slept within sensory range of each other.

Anthropologists noticed something fascinating: every other mammal and primate on Earth also cosleeps. It’s the biological norm. Sleeping close offers warmth, easy feeding, and safety. Simply put — human babies were designed to sleep near their parents.

How Parents Regulate Their Babies’ Bodies

McKenna’s research uncovered something profound: when parents and infants sleep near one another, their heart rates, breathing, brain waves, body temperatures, and oxygen levels subtly synchronize. Parents act as a kind of biological jumper cable, helping their baby’s underdeveloped systems regulate outside the womb.

To a biological anthropologist, this means that babies are meant to grow and regulate best within this shared biological system, especially during those first fragile months when their physiology is still maturing.

Animal studies show that when infant monkeys are separated from their mothers, their bodies go into stress responses. In human infants, one study of 25 babies aged four to ten months found that even after they became calmer on night three of sleep training, their cortisol levels remained elevated — indicating physiological stress. Quiet on the outside does not always mean calm on the inside.

Why Shared Sleep Can Help Everyone

Both adults and babies often sleep longer and more peacefully when they share a sleeping space or stay close. Parents don’t need to fully get up for feeding; babies don’t need to cry out, wait, and then resettle. Everyone gets more continuous rest — and that matters deeply.

Well-rested parents make clearer decisions, regulate emotions more effectively, and have more resilience. Sleep deprivation, in contrast, increases the risk of postpartum depression and can make daily parenting feel like an uphill battle. When nights are gentler, days often feel gentler too.

A Return to Instinct

Many parents feel a natural pull to sleep protectively near their babies — it's an instinct as old as motherhood itself. In fact, modern families are rediscovering that instinct. According to a 2015 CDC survey, more than 61% of American babies bedshare at least some of the time.

Whether it’s a few early morning hours, naps on the chest, or full nights of sidecar or safe bedsharing, parents are finding ways to follow what feels right. Room-sharing, contact napping, sidecar setups — all reflect the same underlying desire for closeness and safety.

The Gap Between Practice and Policy

In 2016, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommended that babies sleep in the same room as their parents for at least the first six months — ideally the first year — to reduce the risk of SIDS. But the AAP stopped short of endorsing bedsharing.

This creates a gap between what many parents are already doing and what official guidelines appear to allow. Some families feel pressure to hide their bedsharing from pediatricians, worried about criticism or even CPS involvement. Silence doesn’t keep anyone safer — transparency, education, and safe practices do.

My Perspective as a Mom and Sleep Coach

Here’s where I get real with you. Cosleeping isn’t right for every family, and that’s okay. Your sleep habits, your comfort with darkness or movement, your family dynamic — these all matter. Some people are lighter sleepers or more anxious, and that alone is valid reason to choose not to bedshare.

That said — both crib sleep and safe bedsharing can be healthy, loving options, when done thoughtfully. I fully believe that.

As a pediatric sleep coach, I’m deeply aware of the risks of SIDS and the guidelines that promote safety. But I’ve also walked that razor’s edge of exhaustion — the kind where you can’t think clearly, where every minute awake feels like an eternity. It was in those nights that safe, intentional closeness saved me.

I’ve bedshared with both of my children before we gently moved into more structured sleep support. That’s not a failure or a mistake — it was a bridge to rest, connection, and survival.

If you’re a tired mom caught between bedsharing and crib-sleeping, please hear this: you are not doing it wrong. You’re doing what’s best for you and your baby, in this moment.

To learn how to do safe bedsharing thoughtfully, you can check out my post on Optimizing Bedsharing: The Safe 7. It’s a practical, evidence-based guide for those who want to share sleep safely.

The Bottom Line

Modern beliefs about “good sleep” are steeped in culture — not universal truths. Around the world, families use many different sleep arrangements and babies grow up safe, secure, and loved in all of them.

What matters isn’t where your baby sleeps but how — with safety, attentiveness, and love.

You deserve rest as much as your baby does. Whether that rest comes across the room or beside you, know this: you are doing beautifully.

If your little one’s sleep still feels tricky and you want to work on gentle shifts — That’s exactly what I teach now: gentle sleep learning that supports rest, connection, and confidence — without “cry-it-out.”

If you’re exhausted and unsure what’s best for your family, I’d love to help. You can book a free Discovery Call to chat or schedule an SOS Sleep Consult for more hands-on guidance.

👉 Book your call hereBook a call at independentsleepers.com/book-a-call